Our News

from my practice journal:
did i really just say i hate my life?

yet another way i create suffering in my life… letting myself become overwhelmed by superficially bad moments that i can make fleeting.

of course, i don’t hate my life. had a shitty day or more like shitty moments but hate my life bc of it? outrageous!

it didn’t even make me feel any relief to say it or think it or feel it or anything.

picking myself up from my moment of wackness + extending extra gratitude for my practice to bring up the awareness of it all.

Photo credit: “dichotomy” by Rusia N. Mohiuddin

#30DaysUP Day 22: un-fucking-apologetic
pardon the profanity but it’s necessary to exorcise the demon of perpetual apologies.

maria asked why am i apologizing? is it necessary? aren’t just claiming what’s right for you? who + what are you apologizing to + for?

well, gangsta… def a doable + righteous topic to sit on. this is the week of kicking off the asking of ourselves on, “how do I create suffering in my life?”

internalized oppression is real. it takes on many, MANY forms + the perpetual reflex to be apologetic for, let’s face it, no reason at all is as real today for me as ever.

this is a real source of suffering in my life. sometimes i feel it. sometimes i am even aware of it. this is where i will stay in my practice until i can unpack it in a way where i may then shed it from my leadership.

love is gangsta, folks. g-a-n-g-s-t-a!

thanks for the love, maria.

Photo credit: “nature of love” by Rusia N. Mohiuddin

#30DaysUP Day 10: agitation is my friend
so many discoveries leading up to, into, + after my early sit today.

typically, i prefer to sit in the evenings but today, something triggered some deep feelings of agitation + I decided to sit early.

too many lessons today, before, during, + after my meditation, peeling away to a deeper understand of myself. most notable is the cunningness of my ego as it lives in that almond shaped part of my brain, known as the amygdala.

i realized that agitation is my friend. in fact, a variety of energy, that is reactive + ultimately does not serve me or my leadership, is my closest + dearest friends. they tell me that i am off center. they scream to me that my intentional groundings are no longer supporting + motivating my actions. and now, i can discern, with keen awareness, when they are alive + pulsating within my soma. they intensely pulsate in various places in my body, telling that i am off my purpose + am navigating without the grounding I continuously cultivate for myself. and so, the agitation I felt this morning is my friend, reminding me that I am not as I want to be + that I best chose to do something about it.

so I sat.

during my sit, i caught myself squinting again. as the jaw has released, the squinting has begun + the why has pleasantly revealed itself as well. each time I am in a rhythm, my ego seeks to reassert itself, + i begin to squint as my attention bifurcates. in these moments, my ego tricks me into thinking that i am still on point when, in actuality, I am not.

the point is simple + multifold… all these things about ourselves that we attach morality to, that this is bad or i do this and it’s dope, it’s all just information. data. what I chose to do with the data is what it key. while my ego takes me off the point during my sit, it also offers a physical indicator to let me know I am doing what I am doing. it’s only unconscious if I am not cultivating a practice to truly know myself.

what is generated inside of me, for me, can be transformed to benefit me if I only pay attention.

Photo Credit: “Mystic” by Rusia N. Mohiuddin