#30DaysUP Day 10: agitation is my friend
so many discoveries leading up to, into, + after my early sit today.
typically, i prefer to sit in the evenings but today, something triggered some deep feelings of agitation + I decided to sit early.
too many lessons today, before, during, + after my meditation, peeling away to a deeper understand of myself. most notable is the cunningness of my ego as it lives in that almond shaped part of my brain, known as the amygdala.
i realized that agitation is my friend. in fact, a variety of energy, that is reactive + ultimately does not serve me or my leadership, is my closest + dearest friends. they tell me that i am off center. they scream to me that my intentional groundings are no longer supporting + motivating my actions. and now, i can discern, with keen awareness, when they are alive + pulsating within my soma. they intensely pulsate in various places in my body, telling that i am off my purpose + am navigating without the grounding I continuously cultivate for myself. and so, the agitation I felt this morning is my friend, reminding me that I am not as I want to be + that I best chose to do something about it.
so I sat.
during my sit, i caught myself squinting again. as the jaw has released, the squinting has begun + the why has pleasantly revealed itself as well. each time I am in a rhythm, my ego seeks to reassert itself, + i begin to squint as my attention bifurcates. in these moments, my ego tricks me into thinking that i am still on point when, in actuality, I am not.
the point is simple + multifold… all these things about ourselves that we attach morality to, that this is bad or i do this and it’s dope, it’s all just information. data. what I chose to do with the data is what it key. while my ego takes me off the point during my sit, it also offers a physical indicator to let me know I am doing what I am doing. it’s only unconscious if I am not cultivating a practice to truly know myself.
what is generated inside of me, for me, can be transformed to benefit me if I only pay attention.
Photo Credit: “Mystic” by Rusia N. Mohiuddin