Meditation. It’s been like getting to know an old friend who I haven’t seen in awhile. My mind, my body, my spirit, I find sometimes wishes that it was all I did do most days. Alas, like all things, I simply settle for carving out increasing increments of my new found sitting pra
ctice and it has worked wonders in my life. I appreciate it so much I compassionately try not to starve myself of its magic on a daily basis whether it’s at home, on the train, or on a walk.
Before I was introduced to this practice in the words of Rusia I was, “vomiting my rage” all over the place. Most days I didn’t understand why I was doing it or why I was so easily triggered until I began to reflect on my shape. The reality was that I did know where the sources of my junk stemmed from and it was time to begin to let a lot of that go.
Meditation has allowed me to calm the racing thoughts that always seem to be buzzing around in my head. It allowed me to see where in my body trauma was still being held and how to incorporate supporting practices that would help me to release a lot of the junk that tends to hold u
s back. I learned to breathe. I mean really breathe. You know, that breath that enters and fills your whole body that leaves you feeling wavy, a natural high.
When I do miss a sit I can feel the difference starting with how I mentally orient to the day. My thoughts will tend to lean more on the cynical side rather than being able to see the options that are available in front of me. When I miss a sit, I can feel the aggression seeping from my pores and my body is poised, ready for confrontation, instead of being able to take a step back and shrug it off. When I miss a sit, I realize that an obstacle that is trying to knock me off my foundation will get more energy from me when I should be walking away giving it none of my power.
Being in practiced as allowed me to see how other people show up and when I find myself laughing at an outburst it’s, because I see old me sometimes, and I realize that what is being thrown my way has nothing to do with me, but something they are internally dealing or not dealing with. I’ve learned it’s not personal, but I’ve also learned not internalize other folk’s issues that they may be dealing with. Meditation has also helped me navigate other people’s energy that for an introverted extrovert can feel not only mentally overwhelming, but physically as well. It’s a practice that reminds me every day that self-love and care is not and indulgence it is undeniably necessary and revolutionary.
The understanding that this will be a lifelong process isn’t scary to me if anything I find that I am running towards it with a ferocity that I often need to remind myself that it’s oki and I am where I need to be in this moment. I am reminded that every intentional choice, relationship, and internal growth is slowly but surely leading me to where I need to go next. I have learned to trust, be compassionate, extend love in a way that is true to my being so that I may move from that place of intentionality. I have also learned to accepts truths when they are presented to me even when it may not be the words I necessarily want to hear but need to. I have accepted all the pieces that make up who I am and why they are important. I understand that in this moment I embrace change in all its forms and it has allowed me to cultivate more joy, more acceptance, and for more healing to take root in my life.
In the end it’s a choice. I decided that I wasn’t going to deny myself what I deserved and in order to get there I made the choice to step forward and put in the work necessary. It’s oki if I am afraid, it is a natural feeling, its when I choose to be brave and fight against that fear that I come out renewed each time on the other side. I only have this one mind, this one body, my one spirit and I chose to honor her in ways that allow light to shine through even when its hard. There’s nothing that I can say that I regret, but chose to learn from. I own my part, I recognize others part, and I move on. Trust me when I say it doesn’t mean you’re like a bed of roses all the time, hell no, that ain’t realistic. But I find instead of getting angry at myself when I fall off I am reminded it’s cool, reset, start over, every moment is a new moment to recognize what came up and begin again.
Meditation. It’s been a longtime friend of mine now and its one of the best friendships that I could have made for self and in turn others.